When Change Becomes Detrimental To You | Real Talk
Often we hear that change is a good thing for us. Our personal growth and a positive for the greater good. The flipside to that is when change contributes to our downfall and we are left stuck by the side of the road. I am writing this from personal experience as to what is currently happening to me. The situation is, for lack of a better word, a shit show and I now find myself between a rock and a hard place.
The New Phase |
When COVID 19 happened I remember being forced to reset like everyone and slow down. I didn’t have a job at the time and knew I had to further stretch the little budget I had just to live and function. Months after getting used to the new way of life and a new outlook on what normal is, I started my own thing and got contract work through a publication company. After spending a year there doing contract work and learning about the different forms of tax filing, 1099s are no joke, I wanted to get back out there in the corporate world. Be in a design agency again after doing my thing and gaining valuable experience, which was key to my own development.
I found opportunities locally that met what I was looking for, but the Real Estate game was my true calling and passion. That’s where I gained the majority of my skills in my 20s. I was sold on the bog picture and what my role was from the get go during the interview process, needless to say i was sold. I spent time there learning about each individual person and their personality types to get an overall feel of who I will be working with on a day to day basis. I met people from all walks of like and that in it of itself was rewarding. Yes I met folk I wouldn’t associate with outside of a given environment and others I would genuinely take a bullet for, it was a mad spectrum of people.
For a year I gravitated to a handful of the people that I did meet and I am honestly glad that those individuals were the first set I met when I got the job. I men a great guy in his late 60s that showed me to pros and cons of investing in stocks. Not for me, but I respect the hustle. Met a same aged coworker who was one of the most amazing women I have met in my life. She was the one who trained me and showed me the ropes of what to do in my role as she was transitioning out of said position into something else. Met one of the sternest characters that I can honestly say showed me the reality of different personalities meshing together. Overtime it was easy to wear him down and make him see what an asset I am through my individual hard working mentality. Everyone loves someone who works hard. Plus there were some who came for a short time and just left. Those are the memories I choose to keep to this day and why initially I loved coming to work.
A Shift In The Matrix |
As with every company things change and new people arrive to add something new. This could be something good or bad depending on perspective, but I was open to change and meeting new people. The first individual came and it took some time for her to get to grips of what exactly she was meant to do here. As a fellow coworker and someone who has gone through those feelings earlier in my career, I wanted to offer a solution and a friendly ear to her. No intent behind it because this was something I never received when I entered the design industry. After multiple times this individual broke down, I just tried to offer my help where I could and hoped for the best. Fast-forward now, this individual is receiving special treatment and getting special privileges with me becoming the forgotten man. More to come.
The next set are individuals I am now dubbing the Perfect 3. Recently the company hired 3 individuals to do a variety of tasks that somewhat overlap but have a differentiation in them. Since coming to the company I realized that I am no longer needed at first glance. I am being forgotten in meetings and at times I think to myself if I wasn’t by my desk working would I even be missed. That the workforce baby. These combined 4 individuals I have now seen have been treated better than I was and are collectively given special treatment. I never knew you could come and go as you please without the proper instructions or the go ahead from management. I never knew someone could go on a 3 and a half week holiday when the standard time off for vacation is primarily 2 weeks or 10 days a year. Also, never did I realize that cliques were still a thing in the workplace. I have seen it but it’s amazing to see as an adult.
The overall point is since these individuals have come in I have been reduced to garbage or feces on the side of the road in San Francisco. I recently excluded myself from a variety of company based events because clearly I am not needed and I am primarily focusing on my job. When I tasks come in I just focus and do what I need to do. I was fortunate in the early days that I met such wonderful people, but now I am starting to fully see people for how they are and the environment I am currently in with the mask off. I hold myself responsible also for how I am reacting to it, I am just as much at fault here and I don’t hide that. I never ever played the victim or race card in my 34 years of life, but these events have made me question if I was a white guy or white girl from an affluent background would I have gelled better with these perfect people they now have here? Not even the race thing, if I came from a privileged background and remained the same shade of black I am would the outcome be different? If I was a clubber or a bar hopper or whatever these perfect individuals talk about on a day to day basis, would I mesh well? You can sense the bitterness there right…sorry. Point is, things have changed and I have tried but it’s not working out.
Where Do I Go From Here |
Honestly, I have no clue. With bills on top of bills coming my way and the prospect of starting my life off on the right foot at my old age is a thing, I am virtually stuck. Quitting was a seed planted in my head when the final person I met when I started the job left and new folk were entering, I felt that was the time for me to transition out. I don’t really have a specific role anymore as all the new folk are on teams and are getting treated special with me on the outside looking in. I am taking a few days off to really think if this is what I want and the prospect of starting over again does frustrate me. Coming from a poor background, I know the value of a dollar and I know work ethic so quitting is not really something easy to execute on the fly. I have my own responsibilities and like I said I have goals to FINALLY start my life even if its at 34.
I have spoken to management and people who are above me about my unhappiness and the feelings I currently have. It is now up to the power of prayer and patience to solve this. Asking for a different space like an office away from the individuals I don’t get along with was something and making my view on the situation clear was another. I didn’t name anyone nor thrown anyone under the bus because that’s not how I operate. I am just going to take some time to see if this is a place I want to remain at long-term. With the treatment I am receiving I think deep down the answer is clear.
In Conclusion |
As I end this I just want to say that I am grateful for the job I have and the wonderful memories I gathers during my time. Whether I stay or decide to leave one thing is clear, I have been blessed to have found something within my skillset and I have done the best I could have done. What happens next is up to God, but I know exactly what I need to do overall. If I somehow can’t change the situation since I come to work apprehensive and leave angry, the best thing to do is to seek other opportunities. I’ll tolerate it as best as I can for my goals and ambitions, but it’s taking its tole on my. If it get to the point I have a tumor that may be my sign, until then I’ll wait and see. Thanks for checking out this post on my real life. Hopefully it’s not so depressing it turns you off, but I wanted to be transparent and share what I am going through. Be safe out there and take care. God bless!
Originally published at http://xagonspeaks.wordpress.com on August 31, 2023.
